I was riveted by your recent article featuring the talk given by violence prevention lecturer Dave Franklin to members of Muskoka’s Domestic Abuse Review Team. Titled “Why she stays”, he chronicled the path of a woman terrorized by her intimate partner. Your article stated that Franklin urged the audience to rethink their beliefs about violence, comparing it to terrorism and causing Stockholm syndrome in victims.

I agree with the information in Franklin’s presentation, but would like to add another view of domestic violence.

I experienced an emotionally abusive relationship with a former partner. I believed that if I just loved my partner enough, I could compensate for the damage done by his childhood experiences and the hurtful behaviour would then “magically” disappear.

I didn’t know that my partner was suffering from borderline personality disorder — a thinking disorder that makes people misperceive the interactions they have with others, overreact and then act out all the rage they still have stored inside from their abusive childhoods. I didn’t know that my love wasn’t enough, that it would never cure a borderline.

People who work with abuse victims state that the most difficult aspect of domestic violence is the tendency of the victims to return to their abuser — over and over again. My book, Breaking Free from Boomerang Love – Getting Unhooked from Abusive Borderline Relationships, seems to help abuse victims distinctly see how disturbed their partner is — and the reality of their situation — thus enabling them to clearly understand the danger they’re living in and to begin to plan how to safely leave.

Lynn Melville

Santa Maria, California